There are moments that still surprise me. Whispers of love that find me.. Each time I am taken by surprise. In those moments.. I find that I (apparently) matter to people. That sounds so simplistic, but it is not for someone like me. There is a battle in my mind every single day in that regard. We all want to matter, don’t we? Even if you feel relatively secure, you want to matter to someone. How much more so when you are constantly told that you do not?? For most of my life I was told just how much I did not matter, that I did not belong, and how un-worthy I was, that no one would ever want me. Those words took residence in my mind and heart in time. To this day no matter how often I am told, or shown, I feel like I do not matter, or belong.
There are whispers of truth everywhere though… More and more they come to me. God sends them using messengers of love, truth, hope, joy, song, as well as opportunities for me to be that for my sister or brother in need. Just this past Sunday I was reminded of this yet again, as I found myself standing there surrounded with love. I stood there in a awe, as I found love waiting for me. Love seeking me. Love intentionally coming to me. I found myself, my soul uplifted, thinking afterwards, “wow, really?” I matter to them, I matter to Him.. As I sat there listening to the message, and sitting next to dear friends, welcome there as well, I thought “why do I do this? Why am I still surprised?” Also, “why do I matter to them, I am nothing, I have nothing to offer, nothing worthwhile?”
That was never true though, I always mattered to God. It has taken some time to get that message through to me. I suppose I have a thick skull. Actually, I know it was conditioning. Just like it took time to believe the lies, though not very long, it will take time for the truth to sink in. I am beginning to believe it now though. I usually believe it momentarily, when I am first shown, at least with the people that God touched to love on me. That hadn’t yet carried over yet into the rest of my life however, until this past weekend. As God is revealing so much truth to me, about who I am, I am seeing more each and every day, this included. I matter. YOU matter. We ALL matter to God, and we matter to people we may not even realize yet.
Those beautiful sisters of mine showed me love, and showed me that I matter… God loves me enough, I am important enough (as are you) that He used their beautiful hearts, to say, April, you matter… When will you listen to Me? When will you see all that you are? All that I created.. When will you realize who you are in Me, and accept that it is true, because I do not make mistakes.. You are not a mistake, and I have always loved you, always been there, and always protected you, from the people that hurt you, they will have to answer for that. that is the message I continue to get from Him, my words, but his message.
We are so very important to the Lord, we can not begin to fathom His love for us. I can tell you personally, that no matter what I have endured in my life, and it is immense, He has always been there. I can see that now, He said “no more..” He kept my innocence (mentally) in tact, and my faith strong.. He kept me well, when I should have turned to drugs, and other destructive behaviors. God kept me. He kept me when I did not know He was there, when I thought, I was all alone. God knows how many hairs I have on my head, every cell in my body, who could possibly love me more? Nothing goes unnoticed to Him. He pursues me with a relentless love, strong, and passionate.. He tells me I am more, I am precious, I am stronger than I think, I am loved, I am beautiful. I am gracefully broken.. I believed it now… Yes, I believe!!
So here I stand in awe of the Creator, in awe of His creation.. I am a princess, I am His daughter, and there is NOTHING, NOTHING my FATHER won’t do for me. For you.. Let Him speak love to you.. Ask Him to minister to you. I promise He will.. That is what God has been showing me this year. He said, “Abide in ME.” I have learned what that means, and through that, He showed me to ask Him to minister to me, and He has answered that request abundantly and freely. God has poured so much love out on me, so much truth, I am overwhelmed to the point of endless and all consuming joy, faith, and hope. Let Him show you. God is good, He will speak to you in the ways you can best hear Him, and you will be made new. I am confident in who I am now, and I will never go back! I will pray for opportunities to minister love to others, and help those in need. My God will answer, because He is good, and He hears my prayers. Let Him show you who you are friend, you will not regret it..
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